What is Incongruence?

What is incongruence?  Imagine being a child and one day your parents bring home a new baby. Suddenly you receive less attention and are told to “be quiet”. The baby gets lots of attention, not only from parents but from every visitor. You may feel abandoned, rejected, hurt, angry, confused, bored and ignored. You are Continue reading »

How To Listen Effectively

Listening effectively, in a way where the other person feels heard and understood is not the same as hearing. Our relationships and social interactions can be greatly improved by using Active Listening, the purpose of which is to Observe, Understand and Reflect. Observe: If we really pay attention when someone is talking we may notice Continue reading »

Buttons

Buttons are sometimes used in counselling. This comes from Gestalt Therapy. The counsellor invites the client to choose a button to represent themselves. The client is then invited to choose buttons for anyone who is significant in their life (positively/negatively, past/present). The counsellor then notices aspects of the buttons, such as colour, size, texture and Continue reading »

Bereavement & Loss

Grieving after a death or other loss (e.g. divorce/separation, abortion, job, health, loss of safety such as after violence, relocation) is a natural and necessary process that most people experience and come out the other side of in a reasonably healthy way. However, sometimes people just don’t have support (or the right kind of support) Continue reading »

Working With Trauma/PTSD

Possibly the most important thing to realise about counselling for Trauma or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD – distress caused by trauma that hasn’t resolved within 4-6 weeks) is that you can be trusted to know what’s best for you and therefore the pace at which you feel comfortable. It’s not necessary to work directly Continue reading »

Like Yourself Better

Self-esteem is the way we regard ourselves, almost as though we were evaluating someone else.  Some people find that their self-esteem depends on what others think rather than relying on their own judgement. What contributes to low self-esteem?  Early experiences contribute to adult self-esteem.  As children if we are praised and helped to recognise what Continue reading »